I’m layin in bed at the Westin in Malta talking to my favorite youngest sister in Honduras through What’sApp and we start laughing cuz she is describing walking over a mountain to pray with a family and I am describing Fashion Week in Milan.
I am fat.
Not just glutted from some of the best food the world has produced from one of the best cuisines known to man (and that’s not an exaggeration. Its 2013, our food industry today would shock past world leaders.), from self-indulgence.
I was recently told I was having auto-immune issues and needed to take my health more seriously. Less stress, better sleep, no more grains or dairy, you know the drill. All relatively simple tasks for anyone but me. My excuses keep coming as does my insane weight gain and subsequent spiral in self-indulgence. I’ve been reading and realizing, this laziness has to end.
Once, I was a decent writer; I wrestled with ideas and then tumbled them out for others to correct or connect. Now it’s like I’m numbly processing stale outdated itemized lists. Once, I was a decent runner; no, I was never going to the Olympics, but my morning run was my second daily prayer-part of my own worship experience, and it was satisfying. Now when I go it’s a self-inflicted bataan death march of self-loathing. I can’t even talk to God, or more importantly, listen and wait for whatever it is he wishes to bring my way in those communes through the cacophony of my own strident angst.
I used to cook and be delighted. Now I eat out and complain.
Well not no more. This kid has bills to pay, people, and no sugar daddy to pass the cost of living. And if you’re not payin your own costs…are you living?
So, I’m gonna learn how to budget-how to live. Not just money, not just time, but intentionality. I wanna save money on stuff like fashion weeks to learn more about people over the mountain in my own life. I will run because I miss communion. I will cook cuz I miss art, I will get healthy, cuz overall, I think my life is pretty awesome sometimes. And when it’s not, it’s my own fault, and when it is, it’s cuz I lost myself in something more meaningful.
More to come…
foodandthefury 